As I have gradually entered into the dating world, there are a couple of things that have become apparent to me.
1- Men are even more afraid of being turned down in a bar than women are; and women (for the most part) are very often waiting for the man to approach her. What does this result in? Frustration on both ends -- probably moreso the woman's end because she goes home over-analyzing every waking moment of the encounter while the man is more than likely already onto the next women.
2- Men seem to be intimated very easily. How often have you heard a girl tell you that a guy was intimidating? And I'm not referring to Gossip Girl. Probably not that often. I hear guys say that girls are intimidating all the time. What does this even mean? Does that mean that she is too outgoing and fun for you to handle? Or that she might bring more to the table than you do? Is she too loud, or what? Aren't these all redeeming qualities that every guy should look for in a girl? I would think so. Apparently not. This makes no sense and if anything, has left me so frustrated when situations like this come up because I hate to sway toward stereotypes, but I get the impression that guys are happier with arm candy than someone who you can actually bring home to your family and they won't think that you picked her up at Spring Break.
I recently came across this article on Cosmopolitan that talks about how to meet 'hot' guys. Let me just be clear about this- this magazine makes me sick. The fact that girls need to be thinking about meeting hot guys is just utterly embarrassing. From my experience, hot guys are always severely lacking in categories that are of extreme importance to me: desire to participate in group activities, motivation to step outside of their comfort zone, and just over confidence that is nothing shy of obnoxious. None of which is appealing.
Why aren't we encouraging people to look for someone who is interesting, intelligent, can go out and have a good time without blacking out and conveniently 'losing' his cell phone the next day. In my opinion, these are the types of things that I am looking for in the opposite sex and that's not to say that I have anything figured out. I've spent the past seven years in unsuccessful relationships -- the most recent left me on the non-receiving end of a sweet plasma TV that I am still bitter about. I won't go into that though.
As I always say, I want to hear your thoughts on this...so please speak up!
Mwah!
Erin
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
guys want girls that they can tell are easy...there I said it. nice girls always get overlooked...not cool people.
ReplyDeleteI loved the plasma tv line. You are correct though, men want arm candy and when they find out there is a brain attached and independent thought processes, they become uninterested. Keep looking!
ReplyDeletewait... i'm confused...
ReplyDeleteyou think that showing off your neck and shoulders while subtly hinting at some upper thigh meanwhile simultaneously using your drink as a prop (not a beverage) is EMBARRASSING??? i mean really, there is nothing smarter, cooler or more attractive.
except maybe their "don't" of dance like no one is watching.
i personally enjoy having someone i can communicate with. he has a brain, a sense of humor (albeit one all his own that is well... sometimes bizarre), and never conveniently lost his phone. i wouldn't dream of trading him in for your stereotypical hot guy (i say this because to me my boy is hot ;)). although i guess the heydays of picking up those jerk offs were fun... i'm just over it.
great post :)
I think this whole situation stems from the fact that the guy is expected to make the first move. This is the way the world is programmed. So, if a guy doesn't make a move or if a girl makes the first move, it upsets the balance of things and the guy is either 'too shy' or the girl is 'too intimidating'.
ReplyDeleteThe arm candy girl or the over-obnoxious machismo dude are NOT upsetting the balance of things. They are considered the norm.
It's a sad state of affairs in my opinion.
But as a really, really hot guy, I can tell you that things aren't so great on the other side of the fence either.
Okay, so I’ve not commented for some time, but I was compelled to respond to this latest entry. Some may say bullied… I say compelled. So here goes.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that every woman wants to be swept off their feet by a dashing young fellow, who meets every one of her criteria for marriage. The problem is, you won’t know when that stranger approaches you, if he meets any of the criteria you demand, unless you agree to take the chance on said stranger. There is so much investment required in getting to know someone new, that the percentage of finding a match is always going to be quite low, because…who has time to invest? So many times we put up rules and regulations that automatically rule out certain people, who just may fill that bill…but we’ll never know. Why so many barriers to impede progress? Perhaps some just enjoy the challenge of making things out of nothing, but clay and wood are much easier to manipulate than personalities… and most artists are starving.
Soooo, what makes a certain someone intimidating to you? They match every one of your character strengths, and then one ups you? You find them more in control of their faculties than you feel you will ever be? What is it that you find attractive in someone? Their looks? Their intelligence? Their personality? Any preconceived notion of what we find attractive is all relative anyway. I used to believe that I had one specific type of girl that I only want to be with, but I learned that attraction is always evolving. My general notion of attraction was turned on its head just this past November, and without warning (but that’s a different story altogether…). Personally, I would rather be impressed by my date, than impress others by her appearance. The notion of “Hot” is so relative, that it is irrelevant.
That being said, how do we approach personality at a bar or a club or wherever? Personality is something we learn over time. Sure, some friends can make an educated guess for us, but we will still have to go through the paces and steps to determine compatibility for ourselves. I love the quirks and oddities that make us unique and individual from everyone else, but I’m not so sure I want to devote the time it would take to get to learn them from a complete stranger…
She’d have to be really “Hot!”