Downtown Taylor Brown....Never Stop Smiling

It's not very often that we meet someone who you can say had an impact on your life in the most positive way possible. Unfortunately, it's in extremely hard times that we are reminded of these instances and sure there are things that we can all do to change that but rather than focus on that right now I would like to take this post and dedicate it to a dear friend of mine, Taylor Brown. I met Taylor back in 2004/2005 through one of my closest friends and it goes without saying that we had one of the best summers ever that summer in New Orleans. Whether it was hanging out at the Villa, driving slightly recklessly in The Disco or visiting the Abita brewery in Abita Springs, Louisiana, the three of us were having the very best time and most importantly - smiling at every moment in every day.

When I got a call the other day from my friend who I had unfortunately lost touch with over time - which we all know happens - it was with extremely sad news. Our very dear friend who we both hadn't seen in years was very sick. My heart broke listening to her on the phone explaining his situation. Cancer. 29 years old. If it wasn't the worst news I'd ever received over the phone - it was close to it. In the midst of wanting to cry, get on a plane to Chicago to give my friend who I haven't seen/hardly spoken to in a couple of years and just give her a hug because I was so sad, I couldn't help but picture Taylor's signature smile. A smile that would be the same had you told him he won a million dollars or if you told him someone slit his tires at an LSU football game. Not a thing in the world could bring Downtown Taylor Brown down. And his current health situation is no different.

As soon as I heard of his situation, I was told of a website that was created in his honor - for him and his fiance, Donia: http://helpsavetaylor.com/ Unfortunately I have never met Donia, but from everything that I have heard from my friend, and everything that I see her doing at this incredibly hard time in her life, I only wish I could meet her to tell her that I think she is one of the strongest, most amazing people that I have never even met. Without knowing her, I know that she was brought to Taylor for a reason and I say that not being religious or spiritual in any way.

When I asked my friend to tell Taylor that I said hello and give him a hug for me, she told me that when she went to see him and said 'Erin says hi' - he immediately said - 'Jersey!!!' That's what he's called me since day one. The only person ever to give me a nickname that wasn't related to my last name. And I can just hear him saying it to me right now...with the biggest grin on his face.

Taylor...if I could come and visit you now in Houston I would tell you this:
I have never met anyone like you. I honestly don't think I will ever meet anyone like you. You have a smile, a personality that can change the mood in any room for the better. So many memories with you over the course of such a short amount of time and I'm so very thankful for all of those times. So very thankful. And if I know you, I know that you are still smiling now, every day and I hope you continue to do that. Cause if I know anything about you, I know that you will fight through this...and smile every step of the way. So much love to you and Donia. Miss you to pieces.

Love always,
Jersey

Facebook Therapy

This is really something to talk about.. I think. If not, then I am completely going nuts and am in the process of turning into a cynical bitch in my older age. And by old age I mean the ripe YOUNG age of 28. But I am noticing this more and more and thought it'd be wise to get it out in the open so that we could all either agree, disagree.. or agree to disagree.

Now everyone has a friend or two who are in somewhat unhappy relationships. This could be for any reason at all - I won't even bother to name specifics - but you know who I'm referring to. And obviously, this is not something that I am trying to draw attention to in any positive way - but more bringing to light a point and that is: why on Earth would you go on Facebook.. the world's most frequented and abused social network to confess your undying love for your significant other - who any of your real friends knows is driving you f'n crazy?!!??!

Is this because the percentage of people in your friend pool doesn't really know what's actually going on in your life and is rather following what's going on with you strictly through Facebook? Meanwhile - the rest of your friends...this is your actual friends now...are all sitting around hanging out wondering - why the F did so and so post on their status today that they have never been happier in their life.. when just last night they were texting you about how much they can't stand so and so.

This type of text would lead you to believe that there is a sense of unhappiness in the air and the type of status update I just referred to is relatively unwarranted. What is the point then??! Why broadcast to the entire world that you are living this life that is not true? I don't get it. And I mean I've been in really bad relationships...I guess it just worked out for me that they were all before Facebook. I'm so lucky... I know.

What do we think about this? Am I crazy? I find a much better place for this type of banter is on blackberry messenger status. At least that's a little bit of a smaller audience than the more than 500 million active users on Facebook. Just an observation.

Please share..

Let's Fight

After so many years of being single and watching friends...some closer than others.. go in and out of relationships...stay in wonderful relationships and everything in between - I have come to one gigantic conclusion: people genuinely enjoy fighting (this includes arguing, pouting and anything of the sort). This probably sounds like the most ridiculous statement but I can honestly say that I used to be like this. Way back in the day when I used to be in college...I was in a long distance relationship and well.. what other reason to fight than absolutely no reason at all. And looking back now I just don't get it.

The irony in this now is that I have completely removed myself from this scenario all together by choosing to be single...until the end of time. Just kidding.. but for the past year or so...and I have witnessed more of the 'college Erin' behavior than I'd like to admit. And as I always do - I'll resist mentioning names and speak entirely in generalizations. What the FUCK is wrong with all of you??? And to be honest - I can't even lie and say that it's equally as much the girls fault as it is the guys'. No. It's ENTIRELY the girls' fault. Why do we all act like this?!?!? Sure it could be insecurities. It could be attention whoriness (definitely a word). It could be their friends ultimate unhappiness which results in severe projecting...never a good thing. I mean the possibilities are endless.

But seriously - what is the point??!?!! Why is it that we all have a problem just being happy with our lives the way they are?!?! It's sickening to me. And even though I am a complete hypocrite saying that - I am going to say it anyway and leave you all with some advice.

As long as you are with someone who makes you happy...you make them happy and you both genuinely enjoy each other's company...you're good to go. So lock that shit up and stop picking fights. It's annoying and pointless. You can be spending your time doing much more important stuff...like going to Chipotle...or something.

Night night.

Sex is the Worst Thing...If it's the Only Thing

How's that for a title after not blogging for MONTHS!!! I'm constantly amazed at how long I can go without writing anything down. More often than not it explains my snappy attitude that comes out every now and again (more often than not lately at work) but it truly is therapeutic for me to write so I am going to make a conscious effort to start this glorious blog back up again.

So that no one is confused - I will still be writing about things I read (?), things I hear about, witness, want to witness...etc. in hopes that they are all along the same lines as what everyone else is experiencing and hence the foundation of a pretty decent conversation. I figure it's the least I can do when society is forcing us to speak in acronyms that are only known by the youth of America but being misused by our parents...some of them I should say. By no means am I referring to my mother here - the Facebook guru. She can do no wrong now that I have moved out of the house and want nothing more than for her to come visit me every day.

As usual - I have gone off topic. Sex. Yes. And casual sex at that. What in the hell is up with this topic? Never in my life have I heard more conflicting stories. But I'll tell you what - they are all GREAT stories which is why I figured this would make for a phenomenal blog.

I've taken it upon myself to compile all of the stories, the woes, the juice and everything else in the middle that pertain to this topic and summarize it in one sentence: Sex is the worst thing if it's the only thing. Great title for a blog post if you're looking for one. While casual sex has it's place in this world.. and I truly do believe that.. I've decided it's ultimately evil. Even when people I know have had what they describe as 'amazing sex with this guy on a regular basis but have no actual ties to' - they almost always come back to me with - 'Oh.. I haven't heard from him' or 'Oh...he asked if he could Facebook my friend.' Unless both parties involved have no interest in emotions - permanently - it really can only end badly. Or..if one of the parties involved has nothing but emotions but doesn't think they know what they want and therefore proceeds to act really awkwardly and off-putting in an effort to curb their immature ways..it's just bad news bears.

Regardless of the fact that I am now... finally.. living on my own in Red Bank...I have absolutely no desire to get involved in these shenanigans. I'd much rather go out and WALK to any of my favorite places and watch all of the madness unfold so that I can continue to come home...yes..alone...but to write about all of the wackiness I see during my adventures. You can all thank me some other time for keeping you entertained.

I would love to hear if you all have differing views. If you've had amazing casual relations and absolutely, in no way would you lead someone away from this glorious path. Just keep in mind - I'm not taking that bait. Just simply trying to make for a nice conversation. Can't wait to see what my mother has to say about this.

It's good to be back...

Emotional vs. Sensitive

Every day people spend time analyzing the differences between men and women. When you really think about how much time we all spend trying to figure out why he took what I said the way that he did or why she reacted the way that she did - all to find out that nothing was wrong in the first place. That's what I'd like to call - over-analyzing. It's f'n exhausting.

That of course is not the purpose for this blog. Today at work a very young, enlightened mind said to me, "We decided today that men are much more sensitive than women and women are emotional." My response was - I will write my blog about that tonight and here I am.

I'm very interested in this concept because I feel like it couldn't be more on point. Generally when people hear words like emotional and sensitive - there is almost always an assumption that the person/people in question are women. Which makes sense - women generally express themselves more regularly, have unnecessary emotional outbursts that could probably be avoided with a hint of self confidence or trust for that matter. It is for that exact reason that I am confident saying that women, more often than not, let their emotions get the best of them.

Men on the other hand, have a little something stronger that tends to get in their way and that is their ego. I firmly believe that most men (sorry for the blanket statement) let their egos get in their way more often than not- rather than just admitting to a whole slew of things - being wrong, trying to get their way when it's really no big deal, doing something they don't want to do - necessary - and putting up a bit of a fight to try to get their way...all of these things are what drive everyone crazy - including the guy who is involved in the conversation. And I truly believe that a negative effect of the male ego is extreme sensitivity. They don't want to be wrong. They don't want to be told what to do - whereas most girls would rather be told what to do - or at least that seems to be what people think. I say this with absolutely no success stories on dating, on guys or on anything I guess so I'm talking right out of my ass.

I do find that if you are truthful with a guy and it is something that he see's as an insult, a personality flaw or a stereotype - he is not going to be happy with you. And that right there is sensitivity. Sensitive to certain topics - maybe that's a better way to put it. The point is - more often than not - if you say something to a man that can, in some way, be taken as an negative characteristic that he might have - this is not going to be received very well - UNLESS - this man in question is magically willing to understand the fact that we should all be working hard to better ourselves on a daily basis. While that may come across as an incredibly lame statement - I'd say now, more than ever, that's something that I'm sticking to - so please go ahead and deal with the lameness.

So what do we think of these generalizations? Am I crazy...or just absolutely right?

I'd love to hear what you think - as always.

Have a good one..

This Brings Me to Online Dating...

I don't know what it is lately with the blog...but I just am not making time to write down anything that goes on in my crazy mind every day. Not sure if it's been too much going on to pinpoint things to actually write about or something that I just can't think of all together.. but I'm gonna write something and hopefully it's interesting if nothing else.

If you remember back in the day when I started Blindfolded it was because I had been on what is still the worst date I have ever been on. Well believe it or not I am STILL SINGLE and have taken the apparently inevitable leap into online dating and do you want to know what it has taught me so far - maybe I'm not ready for dating. Here's the thing with online dating - it's completely superficial which is 100% the opposite of my personality. I mean just the other day I got up the balls to send my first 'inmail' on eHarmony and do you want to know what happened???? I got an email saying that so and so had 'declined' my request to communicate. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME and I'm still being rejected. Christ! If that's not a blow to the self esteem I don't know what is...oh wait.. I can think of plenty of things that are a blow to the self esteem but I'm not that angry or bitter to go there.

But seriously - sure people can read your profiles and really get to know how good of a bullshitter.. I mean person you are - but how honest are people being? If you want my honest opinion - eHarmony...you are sending me nothing but slop. No offense. That could very well be what these people think of me but I'm just not convinced that this is for me. I feel like every inch of my heart and soul has faith that there is still hope in meeting someone the old fashioned way.. at random, through a friend, never through a family member...you know.. the old fashioned way. And you know what - that's bound to work out sooner or later.

I'm not sure what the pressure is all about to start dating someone - or maybe just date in general - but what I'm doing right now is a hell of a lot of 'hanging out.' My mother will certainly attest to that. I'm never home and that brings me to another realization - maybe I'm not at a point where I want to be dating.. or proactively thinking about dating. Because if I was- I probably wouldn't be going out every night and not logging into my different accounts to see what guy with a bizarre username thinks of me. It's all so strange still.

And so the point of this post is the following - if you are not at a point where you are ready to invest beyond emotionally ...but invest your time...into online dating...it isn't worth your time or money. Ultimately everything is about timing anyway so it's either going to work out like this - you'll meet someone when the time is right or you'll be at a point in time in your life when you have the time to find someone.

I'm thinking I still need some me time.. but we'll see how that works out.

Happy hunting!

And Here's to Papa John

It's safe to say that losing a loved one is one of the most difficult and emotionally trying events that any individual has to go through. On top of that - depending on your personal affiliation with that person - you very often think about how others are going to react to the same loss - just from a different point of view. I think this is something that we all struggle with on a regular basis - not the sheer act of losing someone but rather interpreting how another person - probably another friend or family member - is going to react to the situation and determine from there any next steps or precautions in the name of mourning.

This was the exact situation that me and my close to 20 very best friends have been faced with over the course of this past week. Coming off of the marriage of two of the greatest people I have ever known - we were all confronted with the very sad news that my great friend John's father, Mr. Stapleton, had passed away. All of this news in the midst of spending a week on the same said friends' honeymoon in the Bahamas...aboard the Carnival Pride.

You can imagine our immediate disbelief in the situation when John shared the news; however, the tonality in his voice was one that his father would have been extremely proud of and I will not be the first or the last to tell him that.

Mr. Stapleton was quite possibly one of the most honest, fun-loving, caring, diplomatic and just genuinely happy people I have ever met. Having a son who just happened to have more than 10 best friends that had to be around at all times was probably not the ideal situation for any parent - which eventually lead to the infamous...'Get to the back of the line you little...' - anyone who needs to know the ending there will....and that's fine. The point is - we are all so very lucky - eternally lucky to have had the opportunity to be a part of Mr. Stapleton's life and for that I am forever grateful.

I don't know that there is another person who I think of and the first thing that comes to mind is the shiniest face, the puffy cheeks and the kind of smile you can only wish to see on your father's, your husband's, your dad's, your brother's, your nephew's, your cousin's or your very best friend's face on a regular basis. But that was him. If he was there - good times were to be had and that is honestly the best way to summarize Mr. Stapleton.

And with that, I leave you - Papa John - with a little note:

There are not many people who come through my life - outside of my friends that I've had forever it seems at this point - who I can say have made me the type of better person, more confident person that I strive to be every day. And you did. You were always so proud of all of us and happy to have us around because you knew we were just genuinely good kids and I will love you forever for that. Thank you for being exactly the way you are. You will be terribly missed.

Rest in peace, Mr. Stapleton.

With nothing but love,

Erin

Quite the Morning

It's amazing how an ordinary 50 mile commute can be completely altered with a simple text that says nothing but 'Hi.' Hi - two letters and the entire day transforms from a nice little Thursday to - good lord - where is this going? And sure enough it went to a place that I never would have imagined.

Without wasting anyone's time here - this was a former boyfriend - no names of course. This is Blindfolded after all. Haven't really talked to him much since things ended a few years ago - but no hard feelings what so ever. Seemingly he has been doing just fine without me. I think I saw/heard that he has dated a couple of girls in the meantime - nothing serious. God forbid. Anyway - I digress.

After the random 'Hi' - I simply respond by asking what's up and he says that he has a question to ask me later. Oh good - so you're not going to ask me now so that I don't have think about this for any longer than I have and at this point it's only been maybe 5 minutes. And sure enough - he held out for almost two hours before asking me two questions:
1- do I know anyone at work who might be interested in renting out his condo? And 2 - are we at a point where if we were both single - could we have some non-committal 'hey nanny nanny.'

Wow. Happy Thursday Erin. Sometimes I write things out and I wish I was making them up - but I'm not. This is the nonsense that happens to me. And it's always feast or famine. I'll go months with nothing but long nights of crazy dancing and little sleep to people coming out of the wood work telling me they want to hang out and 'catch up.' How on earth can a girl figure ANYTHING OUT when she keeps getting curve balls thrown at her???

Here's the answer. Always say no to the ex. Unless there is a good reason to hang out with him/her - which there rarely is - no reason to do it. And who just comes out and asks someone to do that anyway? Can we talk about that for a second?

I honestly look forward to feedback on this - whatever you can give me. I'm very interested in hearing what all of my loyal readers have to say.

Goodnight now.

There's Awkward and then There's Dating

Of course I've written about something like this before, but believe it or not I have been writing this here blog for more than a year now and it seems that some things never change. It has come time again to slowly dive back into the dating world (super) and my very first even remotely close attempt at putting myself out there has left me feeling like this is a total crap shoot.

Let me try to understand how things used to work. A guy would like a girl; maybe ask her father for permission to date her; and maybe...just maybe...they would go out on a date. Lord knows what happened after that but seemingly it's NOTHING like what is going on today.

Here is the 'today' scenario. Say you have a friend who has someone who he/she would like you do meet. Awesome - that sounds like a nice little set up. Instead of getting your number, you're more than likely going to be asked/told to find him/her on Facebook. Really? Is this so that this person can go through a series of pictures and wall posts to decide if they want to hang out with you? Talk about judgmental. And that leaves me without a date - at least in that scenario - at least 90% of the time...every time. And what kind of odds are they?

How can a person be expected to get to know a person - or even attempt to know a person - if they are just going to cowardly look through their pictures in the hope that what? They find the other person attractive enough to what??? Send them a message? Not even call or text? I'm not one to talk on the phone like the next person - but this non-verbal communication world that we are all living is is not exactly conducive to meeting someone of any interest. And do you want to know what the funniest thing about this story is right now??? Because you know it's directly related to something that has already happened in my life - this guy hasn't even messaged me? Called me, text me...nothing. Despite telling our mutual friend that he thought I was cute. I'm assuming he took one look through my pictures and decided that I was insane and deleted me right away. What's a girl to do?

Sometimes my mom tells me to 'just sit down' when I go out. The truth of the matter is - I don't even have it in me to do that. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm as addicted to dancing as you can be and if I'm out - I'm up and about - mingling and having a good time. You'll never find me sitting at a bar, attempting to look cute in the hopes that some random, brave man will come up to me and offer to buy me a drink. The more likely scenario is me going up to the bar and buying a round of drinks for the group of people I'm with. No wonder my bank account looks the way that it does. But that's just me.

Side note - as I'm writing this - a commercial for E-Harmony is on. If that's not a sign.. I don't know what is :)

Anyhow - I don't know that I have a question to leave you all with as I don't know what insights anyone can provide that will not result with me having another awkward dating situation..or not dating situation as it may work out - some time in the near future.

So here's to the lessening of the awkwardness.

Cheers.

Lack of Inspiration

After beginning a blog about an entirely different topic - I've decided to delete it and write about something else. It seems that lately I have had quite a bit of trouble coming up with topics to write about. I'm attributing this to a sudden lack of inspiration - either that or I've lost all concepts of original thought and/or haven't left myself enough free time to actually sit down at my computer as I am right now and have a nice little conversation with all of you. Either way - I am attempting to get back on track with this and hope that you will all inspire me to continue writing about everything and anything.

So let's see...why haven't I had anything to write about lately? If I am to be completely honest with all of you - it's because I haven't been in the mood to give myself any time to think at all. That sounds completely silly but I suppose I've taken a bit of a step back in the emotional okay-ness category and have chosen to fill my time with friends and hanging out - and I'd like to say working out but my stupid blackberry hasn't worked all week so I haven't had an alarm to wake me up in the morning - and this has disabled me from filling your inboxes with the comedic relief you have grown to love about this blog (I hope). And while I'd love to be funny right now - I'm just not in a funny mood.

Quick side note though - driving a 15 passenger van on Friday night to take myself and my friends to a wedding was quite possibly one of the funniest and best decisions I have ever made. Rolling up to a wedding and getting out of what can only be described as an airport van all decked out was priceless.

But yeah - so I'm sure everyone goes through what I am currently going through - however - it's difficult for me to have 'off' moments because I'm always the crazy, bubbly personality that people have become accustomed to. This makes it hard to ever have an off day - everyone is asking you - what's wrong, what can I do to help, why are you not smiling and making me laugh? And while I certainly love making people's days - there are days when I just want to be quiet - believe it or not - and it's becoming apparent that with my personality - it's not the easiest thing to do.

So over the past couple of weeks I have just been overthinking the obvious - probably because I didn't give myself any time at all to really recover after the bullet to the face and it has caused me to randomly experience every type of mood that I try to avoid on a daily basis - anger, sadness, grief, embarrassment, bitterness and maybe even melancholy - if I ever used that word - which I don't.

I guess the ultimate question here is - how are you truly supposed to deal with something that will never make sense to you and no one will ever have an explanation for? Including the person who did it? How can you be expected to move on when the sheer thought of moving on is almost void in your mind? It's as if dating in and of itself is so awful to think about - coupled with the fact that I'm constantly being told that I'm incredibly intimidating which is why no one approaches me when I'm out in public. Seems like a lose/lose situation right now, doesn't it?

Well believe me - I am light years away from actually being down about the whole relationship bit - BUT - and that's a huge BUT - I am having a hard time 'getting back on the horse' as some corny folks would say. Truth be told - I will get back on...just not sure when that will be.

But here's to the start of what I hope will be some inspirational blog posts....and maybe some awkward stories along the way.

Just Tell Me!

One of my fellow co-workers (if I can call him that) brought up what I hope will be an interesting blog topic for the evening and something that I hope you can all comment on. This particular topic may be difficult for a lot of people to react to - simply because we are all constantly being put into awkward situations where we will do our very best to avoid actually telling each other the truth - HOWEVER - if we have figured me out at this point we know that I am always in favor of being honest. And I'll just go ahead and say why - because if anyone knows me (I guess if they don't, this is a moot point) they know that I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings - ever. It's just that simple. If something I say happens to be taken a certain way and a person's feelings are hurt - then I would be truly sorry. We all know that the truth hurts sometimes - but to that I say that as long as the end result is the bettering of a person - I am all for it. If it's truly a friend (or whoever) - he or she will get over it.

And now onto the topic after that rambling that just happened. Sorry about that. So today - at work - I was just in yet another meeting for the day and this was a lot more casual than other meetings - and with this 'pseudo co-worker' when I proceeded to tell him that I thought he came across as arrogant. I wasn't trying to be rude - simply expressing to him the vibe that he gives off. And to that he says - 'Has anyone ever told you how you come off to other people?' I said no. After a moment of silence in the name of awkwardness I guess - I asked him - 'Well are you going to tell me?' And he said no.

Which brings me to the point..finally. How on earth can we be expected to fix the never-ending flaws in our personalities, character...however you want to put it.. if no one is telling us what's wrong with us... or how we are coming across to people in what I can only assume is in a negative way. I'm assuming this is contributing to the reason why so many people do not like and/or get along with so many other people for years on end... and yet they continue to be 'friends.' It all makes no sense to me.

I believe - and call me crazy - that there is a way to very diplomatically tell someone about his/her personality flaws. And this would not involve any tears, therapy or removal of friendships on Facebook. I understand that this all depends on the person in question - but if people are genuinely interested in being good people (which I know is a separate topic all together) then they will take this criticism for what it is - constructive criticism - and turn it into a positive. I see no reason to do anything else with it.

Thank you and that concludes my 'I'm living in an idealistic world' speech for the evening. I hope you all have a pleasant event. Goodnight.

To Go or Not to Go

Seems like a ridiculous predicament BUT this past weekend was the first of what I'm sure will be many of these scenarios and I figured I would pose the question sooner rather than later. So imagine this completely hypothetical situation:

You were dating someone who you have known for a long long time - so you've known their friends for a really long time and all get along really well. When you break up - I assume there is somewhat of a disclaimer about staying friends with the ex's friends. However, what happens when these friends happen to be friends of yours too - even though you have never actually hung out with them without the other person? That is more than likely more of a coincidence than anything else - just to clarify that previous statement. What is a person to do in this particular situation?

All sorts of questions are going through my mind so maybe I'll just write some of them down so that I can get everyone on the same page as me:

- If you are invited to hang out with these people - do you go even though there is a strong chance the ex might be there? And if you happen to be the type of person who embraces awkward moments - this is a question that does not factor in if you would be fine with seeing the ex or not.

- If you have no one to go with you to the above-mentioned hang out - but really want to go - what do you do?

- Do you assume that the people there think that you're hanging out with them simply because you want to see how the ex is doing or even worse - with the hope of running into the ex?

- Or do you just say fuck it and go and have yourself a great time and not worry about all of the nonsense that clogs our brains when these things happen?

Well, if you know me at this point, you know which of the above I actually did when this past weekend's events presented themselves to me. And I'll tell you what - I could not have been happier with my decision.

Regardless of the fact that I seem to have handled the situation the way I wanted to - I am still curious to see what the general public thinks of this scenario. So please enlighten me.

And I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Cheers.

For Christina and Dan...

Every now and again I - very fortunately - get to take a break from my daily thought process which often involves questioning human behavior in general - to write about my amazing friends. In this particular instance, I could not be MORE excited to be writing about how my very best friend in the whole world - Miss Christina Hoarle - just got engaged to her very long time boyfriend, Dan.

Despite knowing that this was coming for quite some time now, it in no way takes away from my sheer bliss that this day has arrived. I will do my very best to keep this short as to not embarrass Christina and hopefully say my congratulations in a succinct way.

Knowing this wonderful woman back when she was just a little girl - with the most adorable side ponytail you have ever seen - I feel so lucky to be around for what is bound to be the greatest day of her life. Regardless of her endless achievements, successful career and quite possibly one of the most amazing families ever, there is one thing that she has yet to experience and that is the spotlight. For the 20-something years (wow) that I have known her, Christina has and continues to be the most selfless and thoughtful girl I have ever met. She takes after her mother in her - what can I get for you.. eat...eat.. eat...mentality; her - I'll help you out with that.. I'd love to come with you to do this attitude - even though her insane job has her working upwards of 80 hours a week at times.

And with all of that - she has still turned out to be an absolutely amazing friend, sister, daughter and now fiance and I really cannot describe in words how happy I am for her.

Chris - I know we say this all the time but I feel lucky every day to have you as my friend and I really could not be happier for you at this time in your life.

And Dan - don't think I forgot about you - there isn't a guy out there who is more suited, more hands-on or who would ever love her more than you do...and I'm so confident when I say that. Seeing you guys together over the past 5 years has made me so happy and so hopeful that someday I'll be able to have the type of relationship that the two of you have - maybe minus all of the manual labor :)

I love you two so much and wish you nothing but all of the happiness in the world. Congratulations.

Cheating or Nothing

After a couple of requests and a conversation here and there I'm feeling inclined to write about this to see what people think. I'll try to keep it short and sweet - since the recent posts after the hiatus have been a bit on the lengthy side.

Let's pretend you're looking in at this from the outside of the situation. If you were in a relationship with someone and you could have the choice between the relationship ending because he/she cheated on you OR to just be dumped clear out of nowhere with no given reason and no way to change the situation yourself or do anything differently to change the situation - which would you choose?

I understand that neither of these outcomes are ideal - but for shit's sake - let's say you absolutely had to choose one? Which would it be? Being that I have lived through both of these - I am 100% inclined to say that I would - without a doubt in my mind - prefer to be cheated on then left out to dry with no explanation or reasoning. The latter leaves you confused, slightly crazy and just all together thinking WHAT THE *uck! on a regular basis - and who wants anything to do with that?

And sure - when someone cheats on you that leaves you insecure, wondering why on earth would he/she do something like that to you - but - you can normally chalk it up to the other person being an idiot because if you're confident enough in yourself as a person - you would know that it's that person's loss if they let you go. And you really have to believe that - or at least work on yourself as a person until you believe that.

So what do you think? I'm very interested so please share.

And have a great weekend.

Jealousy is Another Way of Saying...

It's funny how random my blog topic selection is, and while I will keep this one completely anonymous, I will say that it was a result of something that I saw on Facebook (how shocking). Despite knowing that what I saw wasn't true jealousy, it did spark a thought in my always-churning brain that made me want to write this down. It's either that or I am avoiding posting the two blog posts that I wrote both during and post break-up so we'll just stick with the latter here :)

In regards to jealousy, I have to say that I believe Webster has gotten it all wrong - at least when you're talking about jealousy in relationships. I have absolutely no comment on jealousy when it comes to friendships or just in general in life when people are jealous of other people. I'd like to believe that it is more envy on that person's part but when all is said and done - people ultimately do not wish good things on other people for some sick and twisted reason and I find that to be very unfortunate. So much for no comment.

In relationships, it appears to me that jealousy can be directly attributed to insecurity and who really wants any part in that? Not me. And maybe that makes one of us, but I feel as though people would be lying if they said that they thoroughly enjoyed those conversations that either take place at bars, outside of bars, or on the way home from bars that go something like this:

Her: Who was that girl you were talking to?
Him: Oh - she's an old friend of mine from college who I haven't seen in years.
Her: Really? So did you sleep with her in college?
Him: What?
Her: You heard me. Did you sleep with her in college or even come remotely close to thinking about sleeping with her.
Him: No. I just said we were just friends.
Her: We're not speaking and I want to go home.

Please keep in mind - I know I have created an extreme exaggeration here, but let's just call a spade a spade - people are INSANELY jealous and I feel as though it is time wasted. And this goes for both sexes. Guys are equally, if not more so, jealous of girls when they are out and end up talking to another guy. It's as if no one (for the most part) is dating someone who they truly believe is 'into them.' Isn't that sad? Isn't it sad to know that even when you're in a relationship and you can have all of the good times in the world that there will always always always come a time when you're thinking or better yet - worried - that your significant other - is cheating on you, thinking of cheating on you, or heaven forbid - looking at another guy/girl.

And for those of you who fall into this category - I offer you this tad bit of advice:

Sure - there are going to be times when you're out and your boyfriend/girlfriend see someone who they haven't seen in a while, or who they always had a thing for and maybe - just maybe - it will spark something and they will want to be with that said person rather than you. That's not your fault - first of all - but obviously it's not ideal. For all of the other relatively normal relationships we have all been in - I highly recommend being a little bit more understanding of how the mind works. At the end of the day - everyone is attracted to new and exciting people on a regular basis. That doesn't mean that they want to end what could have been a 4 year relationship over it. And I'll tell you one more thing - having those 'all the time' conversations about how much he/she is flirting when you're out in public or not paying you enough attention or whatever the case may be where you are bringing up these full-of-question conversations that are always arguments - will more than likely lead you all the way back to single life. And let's face it - dating is weird enough as it is so maybe if we were all just a little more confident and had faith that while yes - (and this is hypothetical) - my boyfriend may look at a girl and think to himself - wow.. she's so hot...I'd like to do X, Y and Z to her...if he really cares about me he won't.

Here's to witnessing less arguments in public when I'm out just trying to have a good time :)

The Real World: Bugs Ruin Everything

Without spending too much time apologizing - yet again - for the lack of attention paid to my blog over the past couple of months - I would just like to quickly say that I'm sorry and I hope it doesn't happen again.

During this particular hiatus I have certainly had my fair share of ups and downs. And even though things seem to have ended with a down - I would be lying if I said that the time wasn't spent with mostly ups. No further details will be given at this time as this post is meant to be dedicated to the past two weekends of work that have consumed my life.

After coming off of what will definitely go down as my greatest work-related weekend ever - I feel like a new woman. Despite already knowing the majority of the people on the trip - minus the 3D artists from London - I feel like we were forced into our own miniature version of The Real World and I have to say - I loved it. Normally I wouldn't be a fan of working on the weekends, in the blazing heat, moving boxes and setting endless tables up while I entertain people and get wild children to stand in exactly the right space - but just like anything else in life - if you're with the right people - anything can be fun.

And here is the cast:
JC - the shy intern who very quickly developed an English accent that far exceeded the rest of ours for the entirety of the trip. If I had to say one thing about her it would be that I envy her willingness to ask millions of questions that most people would never dare to ask - and for that she is more confident than she realizes.

AS - the not so shy intern who is quite possibly the biggest Philly team fan I have ever encountered - at least female fan - and thanks to her 'I don't really give a shit' attitude - we were able to tear up the dance floor down in Georgetown for our last night out as a group.

CS - Wow. Really brought the A-game and if I had to give an MVP for Saturday night - it would be him.

Max - Just a couple of words to describe this man - Hilarious, honest, refuses to use sunblock, musically talented, artistically talented, blunt, hot mess and margaritas.

Joe - What to say about an insanely talented artist, writer, actor who seemingly finds his incredible lifestyle to be boring to say the least. He does remind me of a young Sean Connery - so he's got that going for him - which is nice.

EB - What can I say about myself that you all don't already know? Apparently I'm extremely motherly, slightly controlling and have anxiety when I'm in a situation that I can't completely control. Hopefully I'll grow out of it.

Needless to say - you learn a hell of a lot about people when you're forced into a bunch of long working days and overnight adventures with them, but if I had to sum up this 3D tour, I would say this:

Often times in life - we are forced into situations that we wouldn't normally choose to be put in; however, if you keep an open mind and recognize that no matter what you always have an opportunity to learn something about yourself, every experience is for the better. And I can say with confidence that these past two weekends have opened my eyes to things that I hope to do in the future and have helped me get through things that are now a part of my past.

In closing - maybe Bugs really don't Ruin Everything - cause I had a hell of a time.

Thanks guys.

Enough of Stating the Obvious

The obvious in this situation is that I have been absolutely awful at keeping up with my blog. People have been blaming it on a whole slew of issues - none of which can be attributed any longer to Lyme's Disease because I apparently never had that to begin with. Doctors are such a waste of time - clearly. But rather than focus on why I have been the worst blogger in the world, I would like to shed some light on one of my bigger pet peeves in life.

And so the story goes....(brace yourselves)

As it turns out - yesterday was one of my less enjoyable Fridays at work. It was supposed to go very smoothly - get into work - the printer was bringing in a proof that I would bring to my client - get approved and be on my merry way down to my very first press check. Awesome. Unfortunately - that's not at all how it turned out.

On my way in I get an email from the printer saying there is a huge problem with the one file that was uploaded the night before and they can't make the changes that need to be made. Needless to say - now I don't have my proof in the morning and instead - I'm working with someone to make the changes so that I can leave. There's just one HUGE problem - no one can come with me and I have ZERO production experience. Not the best case scenario when you're talking about a $25K printing job. And what is the last thing I want to hear in this situation? 'Wow...that really sucks. Press checks are the worst. Sounds like you're going to have a real shitty day. Oh man." Unbelievable. Why do people say things like this? Blows my mind every time.

So now I'm just livid but I have to leave anyway - get on the road and immediately sit in stand still traffic for hours. Only to get down to Pennsauken and have NO IDEA where the road I need is. None. I stop at three different locations for directions. Turns out no one in Pennsauken knows anything at all - including where the road I need is located. First guy's response - (insert awkward head nod due to the fact that he speaks zero English). Second guy's response - incoherent directions that sounded something like this: 'You go down this road about a mile and a half...and then the road kinda does a little something - you want to not go right, but not go left...just kinda stay right there and you'll see it. Okay buddy. Thanks for sounding dumber than idiot #1. And then comes the third guy - who I had to ask to spell out the street name he was directing me too because he had no teeth and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. Super.

Now I'm at my wits end and somewhere around 3 hours late. I hate being late. I finally get to the place and they have a nice little name tag for me. It reads: Erin Bijar. Wow. Icing on the cake. At this point, I could care less about pretty much anything - this day is just a disaster and that's the end of that story.

Boy was I wrong. So imagine it's 1230 on a Friday and you're at a printer at a press check (hard to imagine I'm sure but just pretend) and everyone keeps hinting at the fact that it's going to be a long night. So I finally ask how long are we going to be here and my rep tells me UNTIL MIDNIGHT! I'm like - are you serious?

To make a long story short - I wasn't there until midnight - but 8PM - which was still awful. At least the piece looks nice otherwise I don't know what I would have done.

And there you have it. If someone you know is having an absolutely awful day - please do not remind him/her that the day is going to be just horrendous. Last thing they want to hear. Instead - try to be helpful or don't say anything at all. That's probably best.

Enjoy the weekend! And I'll try to be better about writing. I do miss it.

My Very Deepest Sympathy

After contemplating posting this - being that I wrote half of this four days ago and the other half right now - I have decided to post my entry in memory of the late Dan Cresci - the brother and very best friend to my good friend Jonathan.

Sadness does not even begin to describe the emotions I have been feeling since hearing the news that one of my long time friends lost his brother. His brother who, in my opinion, was not even given an opportunity to show the world his talents, was recently killed in what police are saying is a murder-suicide.

Always the aspiring entrepreneur, Dan Cresci was working on projects since the day I met him. In high school, if the guys weren’t helping him with the valet business, they were helping him try to open up a pizza parlor. Regardless of the project, I know – even without knowing Dan very well myself – that whatever he was doing he was putting everything he had into it.

And now there is a life that has been cut incredibly short. A family that has been through so much is now struggling to even find the words to explain what a town can only describe as one of the worst tragedies in Monmouth County’s history. Even saying that at my age – when I have only been around for 26 years – I am confident that my statement holds water.

Last night’s services were yet another indication that not only was Dan Cresci an amazing human being, but he meant so much more than he will ever know to the people whose lives he crossed paths with. Endless people flooded the Shore Points Funeral Home last night for what I can only describe as the nicest, most well put together wake I have ever been to. Factoring in the incredible tragedy of the situation – the slideshow, the music, the family and the friends made it a night I will never forget.

And that brings me to my ultimate conclusion. I have the most amazing friends in the world. Friends who have been around – for the most part – since elementary school. People who would, at any given moment, be there for each other – no matter what. This recent tragedy is yet another indication of how lucky we all are.

Upon hearing the horrible news, everyone was in contact to decide how we would be there for our friend. Some visited daily, others handled arrangements in terms of what we would get the family as a token of our sincerest sympathies and others simply offered condolences. No matter the gesture, it is and always will be 100% genuine and that is the difference. In fact, after listening to the speeches at the wake last night, it was enlightening to hear how highly everyone – family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances – regarded Dan Cresci.

With every challenge he faced – businesses, school, businesses, school – he faced them with a determination that most will not put forth in a lifetime. And these were the words of his own father – a man who had just lost his son and the poise and eloquence with which he spoke of him was truly an inspiration to me. In fact, the way the entire family composed themselves should have been an inspiration to everyone in that room last night.

So often are we all concerned with the pieces that make up our own lives, that we are only reminded of the accomplishments of others when they are put right in front of our faces. This, of course, is of no fault of our own – but is rather a reality that we all have to live with daily. In the light of this recent tragedy, and in honor of Dan Cresci and everything that he believed in as an entrepreneur, a lawyer, a mentor, an uncle, a son and a brother’s very best friend, I hope that everyone whose life he touched will hold a piece of Dan in their hearts in a way that will remind them that every day you have the opportunity to do something great. And no project, job, assignment or even friend, is ever too small to be the greatest thing to come your way.

I’ll end with a line from the song that Dan’s family chose to close out last night’s services: ‘Who can say I’ve been changed for the better….because I knew you….I have been changed for good.’

May he rest in peace and my very very deepest sympathies will be with Cresci and his family for quite some time.

Spat in the Face

There is absolutely NO WAY that I couldn't write about what happened to me in New York City today - so without any further aaa-doooo (there is an actual way to spell that...just not now).

Today started off like any other lovely Thursday. I woke up, took a nice long shower to my mother's dismay, she took me to my favorite coffee place where I purchased a nice 20 oz. coffee and a bagel for her and off to the train station for a nice day out of the office. You see.. I was to be spending this day in New York City - sitting in on casting callbacks for one my clients at work. Sounds awesome, right?

Well it was. Being that this was my first time partaking in something like this - I was looking at it as glorified people watching - only I was getting to judge these people - which was both awesome and awful at the same time. Regardless...this was a good day. Around noon, I head over to a local bar with my boss to grab a bite. Come to find out this place has one of my favorite beers on tap - Purple Haze - along with so many others that I haven't heard of. I was contemplating cancelling the rest of my day at callbacks and testing the sampler for the remainder of the afternoon. And to top it off - the chicken cheesesteak was amazing...but that is not the point of this story.

After what can only be categorized as an awesome day of 'work' - I pack up my things and head out for my very nice walk to Penn Station. I'm walking along like any other pedestrian - same speeds, same expressions as everyone else - just really minding my business. When all of a sudden SPLAT!!! A crazy woman - who I can only assume was homeless or crazy or clearly both - spits all over the left side of my face and my hair. I mean just really showered me with whatever leftover Grapeaid was in her mouth - along with a good portion of her saliva. GROSS!!

Now I'm sure you're wondering what my reaction was. Well - I'm sure anyone who's ever been splashed, not spit on, by another human - knows that you naturally say - What the Fuck?!?!?! Wipe your face off and potentially go up to this person and say something else - like what is your problem?

I screamed - WHAT THE FUCK?!!??! And then this insane creature starts cursing at me in her language which I'm assuming was English - or some dialect of - and I get the hell out of there immediately. Call my mother who can only assume the worst has happened and I am just outraged by what has just happened! OUTRAGED I tell you. And yet - at the same time I'm telling my mom and then my friend Leeann this story - I am simultaneously thinking to myself - of course this would happen to me. Who the hell else has these stories?!?!?

And there you have it. The tale of an innocent young lady who got showered with already-ingested Grapeaid on her way to Penn Station after what was previously a phenomenal day.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And maybe explain what the hell is wrong with people in NYC.

Goodnight.

Too Much Hating

As I sit here on the lovely non-holiday that we call Valentine's Day - watching Definitely, Maybe because I love this movie - I am compelled to write about my take on this day. At this stage in my life I am very uninterested in having any qualms with V-day. Honest take on the whole thing - it's Corporate America's way of turning a profit during a down time in spending. End of story.

And people can say what they want about the day. Girls expect all of these flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, etc. I am not one to make that sort of blanket statement - but I can honestly say that I do not fall into that category of people. For me - Valentine's Day is an excuse to maybe go out for a nice seafood dinner...AND NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN! No, but seriously, it's just another day! It doesn't matter if you've celebrated the day with a 100 people or zero people - who really cares?

Why do people get so anxious and all together angry on this day/weekend (depending on when it falls)? I don't get it. It makes me believe that either 1 - People genuinely do not want other people to be happy and/or 2 - Everyone is just a little more selfish than they'd like to admit.

Like I'm always saying - I am very fortunate to have the greatest friends in the world and for the past couple years - whether we are involved or single - we all end up hanging out in a group of some size - and have an absolute blast. Just shootin' the shit - laughing hysterically and really chucking it up. I highly encourage other people to do the same in years to come and stop being such haters.

And here comes my philosophical statement of the day - In life, we are all going to go on shitty dates, awesome dates, have good experiences and bad - but you should never regret anything you do (this is idealistic.. and I understand that..moving on) or resent someone for just being generally happy. No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer...so let's just not even go there.

Best of luck next year. For now.. I hope you all have a lovely day.

Cheers :)