I had the pleasure of sitting through a keynote speech the other day at the NJEA Conference - which in one word could be categorized as overpopulated - and I have to say that this woman was a very good speaker. Rachel Simmons was her name and she is a well-known, published author whose first book, Odd Girl Out was a New York Times best seller and later made into a Lifetime movie. For speaking at a conference where I'm convinced most teachers are not in attendance because they use this time as an extended vacation, and where others go to get the free stuff that goes along with having a tradeshow booth...this woman was a breathe of fresh air.
That being said, there are a couple of things I need to comment on about her speech. She was obviously up there to talk about her book and about bullying that occurs between girls, etc. Now this of course has stemmed from a traumatizing childhood that she had with another girl and she has managed to make a living out of this. She travels the world/country speaking to students, teachers, parents, administrators about the issue of bullying and how detrimental it can be to a young girl's life and general upbringing.
Of course I agree that bullying and any hurtful girl on girl behavior is awful and it's extremely serious and needs to be addressed at an earlier stage. The one point that she brought up that really hit for me was how the victims of bullying very often avoid conflict all together for fear that actually standing up for themselves will result in a 'lost' friend or more worry than they are willing to deal with. This, for me, was the root of all of the problems and maybe something that should be addressed more thoroughly.
And here is my five second therapist moment of the day:
If you are in a situation where one of your so-called 'friends' has done something hurtful, something that you don't agree with or just something that has bothered you or caused you to think, and you do not address them because you are afraid that that will cause further problems and that said 'friend' will terminate the friendship -- this is not a true friend.
I have been lucky enough in my life to have amazing friends. And over time we have grown up (obviously) and are perfectly capable of being up front and honest with each other in ways that I'm sure most groups of friends have not reached at this point. Which is why I'm putting this out there. And here is my final profound thought before 10AM on a Sunday:
If you are afraid to confront someone who you consider a friend with a truly genuine statement for fear that he/she might no longer be your friend after that conversation, that is not a true friend and you should really reevaluate the situation.
So what do you think? Should I be given a PhD right away...because I think so.
Have a great Sunday and Go Giants!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hmm... this post makes me think about your previous post about faking it.
ReplyDeleteFollowing your advice from this post, you shouldn't be faking it ever because you shouldn't be afraid of the confrontation because he is a real friend. While not necessarily a hurtful situation it does fit with the overall theme behind this post.
So, are you still faking it? Or should we hold off on the PhD pending further research?
You pose such a good point as usual, miss. The difference in my last post was that this person who I am completely fake to is not, nor ever will be a friend of mine. I do not fake my feelings about her to my 'loved one,' I just don't come out and say every single thing that I want to say because it might be hurtful. This is a bit different because in the case of this post, I'm referring to people who are, or at least you consider them, your true friends - who you should never ever need to fake it with.
ReplyDeleteMake sense or still no PhD?
That does make sense. From the previous post's closing paragraph, I misunderstood that you have not held back on confronting your friend about your opinions and feelings.
ReplyDeleteHowever, at the same time, I wonder how much faking is happening and how that may disguise the situation at hand. Being cordial is one thing, but being nicer than you need may hide from your friend the gravity of your dislike, which in a way is avoiding confrontation.
If you truly believe that confrontations must be had, perhaps you need to go "balls out" and tell your friend exactly how you feel. From there, should this undesireable girl be around you do nothing besides offer casual pleasantries--i.e. Hello, Goodbye--and avoid all other converstation.
After all, as a true friend he should value your opinion and accept your actions toward his girlfriend. But maybe you are already doing this.
I guess you can have your PhD, but I would like to see a full dissertation on your findings. You have permission to use these comments as research.