After several weeks have gone by and zero blind dates or even just regular dates have not occurred, I figured I would write something in search of some answers. I had a good conversation with a friend today about the appropriate way to approach someone while out for a night of fun. I explained that the only thing that happened over the weekend in terms of meeting guys was that some guy said to me (while I was at a bachelorette party) "Damn girl...you look good!" Very nice...just not my thing.
So my friend asks- what would have been the right thing to say in that situation? You look good...can I buy you a drink? And the answer is...as always...that I don't know the answer. Here's the thing- I like to write about this sort of thing, but being the single 26-year-old that I am- I clearly don't know the first thing about successfully meeting people out at a bar. I do know what my problem is though..
Despite popular belief, I am more on the shy side when it comes to approaching people when I'm out. I think, just like everyone else- guys and girls the same- I'm afraid of being rejected. This of course makes no sense because what should I care what a complete stranger thinks of me? The truth is everyone cares- for the most part. For the sake of arguing we will say that everyone cares. And when it comes down to it, guys and girls are just as afraid of being rejected. This of course has a couple of exceptions. One large one being those people who have no doubt that what they are about to say is in no way, shape or form going to have a positive outcome- but they say it anyway. At the end of the day I like these people. Even though there are times when they whistle and make very unnecessary remarks- there is a small portion of me that really enjoys their sense of confidence. I hope to establish that level of confidence some day. It's going really well. Right.
But in all honesty- what would be the right way to approach someone out at a bar? You figure- you can't hear much as it is- so you can't have a full blown conversation- so what's the first step. I'm thinking the- I wanna buy you a drink. Not in a T-Pain kinda way, but in a- I just want to buy you a drink. Or even a little more friendly- Hey...how's it going...can I get you a drink? And then you start talking from there. Best case scenario, you end up dancing, getting a little crazy and who knows from there. I leave that up to my loyal readers to fill in because let's face it...we all want different things at that point.
I really am curious though- I know you have all attempted to talk to the opposite sex, or the same sex for that matter- and you are so afraid of being shot down that you more than likely never go up to them at all. I'm encouraging myself to make this dirty habit a part of my past and make more of a valiant effort to talk to people when I go out. I figure it can't hurt and I have reached a point where I don't care AS much what people think of me- in terms of strangers- so what do I have to lose?
Any thoughts? I sure hope so because I'm relying on you guys to help me out here.
Talk soon.
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Quick story to share...
ReplyDeleteA few weeks back, while I was out at a bar with a 'friend', I was approached by a young woman. My friend had excused herself to go to the ladies room and I sat at the bar and continued to debate in my mind the conversation that we had already started. Out of the blue, I noticed a woman standing next to me ordering a drink. I turned to look at her, and she smiled at me. I said hello, and she replied, "You smell like clean clothes and cologne." Kinda strange I thought. I was at first confused by the comment, but what else could I do but smile. I responded, "I hope that's a good thing?" to which she replied, "It is..." I thanked her for the compliment and we both shared an extended smile. The bartender brings her drink over and she begins to open her bag. I put my hand up and said, "Please... Allow me." She smiled and simply said "Thank you." Then she returned to her group of friends, drink in hand. Two minutes or less had transpired, and no names had been exchanged. My friend returned shortly thereafter, and we resumed our conversation.
I will always remember that comment. If her intention was to throw me off balance, then she was successful. If her intention was to simply get a free drink, then she was successful. If her intention was to spark interest, then she was once again, successful. If she was simply making an observation, then my time at the laundromat and choice of Eternity for Men, was successful. After a day or so passed, I realized that she was just ordering a drink, decided to pay someone an unsolicited compliment, and was rewarded with a drink. She didn't need a prepared line, just a said what was on her mind. She was obviously shooting off the cuff, and that is what we all should do.
That's what you should do.
BTW...
I did verify that I indeed smelled like clean clothes and cologne that night, and that it is a good thing...considering the alternatives.
I'm just sayin'...