After a couple of radio shows and conversations today, I felt the need to write this down. I'm sure everyone can assume what I'm referring to here in this title, so I will not go into much detail; however, I did come across an interesting article (well I don't know how interesting the entire article is because it was way too long to read the entire thing and I was able to get everything I needed out of the Tracey Cox video) that caused me to continue to think about this: is it possible to have successful casual relations (whatever those may be- again...I am not implying anything here) with someone in your life?
According to Ms. Cox, as long as you are both of the right mindset, this is actually a fantastic idea...which is why I have dubbed her my new best friend (clearly kidding). Seriously though, I wonder about this all the time because I have never partaken in this type of behavior, but I think at some point in everyone's life- you need something...or are just trying to shake things up for the sake of shaking them up. So is this the solution?
I'm not sure, but it's definitely worth some looking into :)
Enjoy your evening and please let me know what you think. I'll accept any case studies or success stories that you might be able to share. Thanks!
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As I sit on my bed slightly doped up on Benedryl with Digital Undergroud's "The Humpty Dance," playing in the background (this is completely unintentional, I'm watching "Step Up 2"), I felt the need to offer up my two cents on the subject of casual relationships.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with you as well as Ms. Cox. When both parties (or all parties, I mean hey, I don't know what you are in to) are in agreement for what each is looking for in the relationship I say go for it. It's when people aren't honest with themselves that things go wrong.
I believe that to some the involvement in a lust-filled, unabashed casual relationship sounds like a lot of fun and a night right out of "Sex & the City," but once it's said and done they feel like something is missing. That something being the emotional attachment. On the other hand, I think there are people in the exact opposite situation. They have convinced themselves that it's all or nothing with relationships. This may be important but there's something to be said for a relationship that lasts no more than a few hours every other weekend (or however often, this was an arbitrary choice of timing).
It's from personal experience that I say that the MOST important thing you need to know for casual relationships is yourself. Don't lie to yourself about what you want. There was a time where I knew that emotionally I was unable to handle the mental part of dating, much less a serious relationship. But just because my head wasn't in the dating game doesn't mean that hormones and the need to feel wanted go away. Enter the casual relationship. This varied from single-night trysts to that one person I knew I could call anytime.
I was okay with this for a good portion of time. One day, it hit me that I was tired of it. It wasn't what I wanted. So I stopped. Just like that. That one person who I could always rely on--and vice versa--no longer received my late night texts and the replies to his became, "Sorry, no."
After a long relationship that ended pretty unfavorably, I think that all the different types of relationships I experienced only helped me in the long run. For better or worse, I learned things about myself with each one. Little stepping stones that helped me reach a point where I knew myself better--so much better that making the transition back to serious, steady relationships was much easier. I knew what I was looking for. I knew what I wanted. Anything less was unacceptable and I was no longer afraid to say, "You know what, this isn't working for me," or "Sorry to say this isn't going to work out after all."
So I guess in the end of this long-winded soliloquy, my advice is to truly ask yourself what you are looking for. Even if the answer is, "I just want to know what it's like," then try it out. If it's not a fit, you don't have to feel bad or ever do it again.