Hmmm...I'm gonna go with a solid yes on that one. If you think you do not, then you are probably an enormous flake and I hope you will learn a lot from what I am about to say. It's not to say that everyone doesn't flake out on their friends at times, their significant others at times, or their family...but these types of things usually come in patterns. Please let me preface this with -- I am in no way referring to any of my friends, former boyfriends or family members when I mention anything that will follow that comment.
Let's start with the most common form of a flake: The Frequent Late Arrival or No Show
These are the types of people who have absolutely no issue with showing up for a date, pre-determined meeting time or just any event in general more than 15 minutes late on a regular basis. Now, 15 minutes is very generous. These types of offenders are often times an hour or two late to events. This is completely unacceptable. And you know damn well that these types of offenders are so beyond mad when they make the plans and the person/people they have invited show up late or he/she...more than likely she..gets to her friend's house and she isn't even in the shower yet. Again- this is unacceptable, rude and in all honesty- it is times like these I wish I had absolutely no decency and would tell these people that they are massive a-holes...but in many more words. Oh and PS- I know a lot of people who read this will say that I have no filter and say whatever I'm thinking. To that I say- you're wrong and that's probably only accurate 60% of the time, every time.
Another type of flake: The Random Change in Attitude
This one might be hard to sum up in few words- so please bear with me. These are people who you have a great friendship/relationship...whatever-ship with and then clear out of the blue- they just stop talking to you all together or change their actions completely. Maybe the reason I said that this would be difficult to describe in a few words is because I do not understand this..period. Say you're great friends with someone. You make jokes, have fun...have uncontrollable laughing fits...and then BOOM! They just stop talking to you for no apparent reason. What is that? In my opinion- people like this need serious help. I can't even peg this to most men or most women. I have experienced this on both sides of the spectrum and in each instance...his/her excuse or reasoning behind why things suddenly changed- made absolutely no sense. If I had to give advice to these types of people -- since apparently I think that I'm educated enough on this to actually give advice -- I would say that you just need to not do this. Thanks.
And the final, for the time-being, type of flake: The 'I'm Always Going to Ditch you for my Boyfriend/Girlfriend' Type
Now- that's pretty self explanatory so I will just say this. In no way, shape or form is this ever...and I repeat EVER acceptable. Of course we are all guilty of this BUT that excuse is never ever ever going to fly the older we get. So please....and again, I will repeat this....PLEASE try really hard to not do this to your friends. If anything, it puts your significant other immediately on a shit list that he/she does not deserve to be on because really it's your problem that you can't manage both her/him and your friends at the same time- which is just dumb.
That's about all I have for you right now. And if you have made it this far and still do not know what a flake is -- I recommend eliminating any drugs or unnecessary physical activity from your daily lifestyle because you are having trouble understanding very elementary ideas.
I would LOVE it if you would share stories :)
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This is effing fantastic and so very true. I have experienced a lot of "flakage" in my life and I feel it is all very unaccpetable behavior.
ReplyDeleteThere is one other type of flake I feel is important to mention, or maybe it can be combined with one of the ones above. The "wait I don't remember that" flake. The person that you make plans with or mention something important to them and they claim that you never told them. Therefore, they don't show up because "they didn't know." I love that one... haha
First, I would like to own up to my shortcomings and admit that I have been guilty at times of being a flake. I will not make excuses or attempt to offer any explanations to restore my good reputation, as those instances have come and passed, and any attempt now would be inconsequential. I only vow to make the effort to curb my flakiness, and I believe I have made strides in doing so. This being said, I might be considered a hypocrite by some if I were to blast anyone for doing the same unto me. But as our lovely blogger has stated, we have all been victimized ourselves, so call me whatever the heck you like.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my life, I’ve encountered many people that somehow, always seem to have a justification for their propensity to back out, dismiss, or altogether disregard plans that have been made well in advance. A few of these people I still consider friends, but their standing in the hierarchy has fallen quite a bit. Flakes are generally more of an annoyance than anything of more consequence, but there are always some exceptions to the rule. One would imagine, that after spending a couple of years together, your significant other would know better than to play the lame excuse game. I would travel for work, and leave my car with my girlfriend. My only stipulation being that she would pick me up from the airport. Fair enough deal I would imagine. Well, on one such occasion, I was returning from the West Coast on a late afternoon flight. 2 hours in LAX, 5 hours in the air, plus 3 hours lost in the time zones makes it a 10 hour ordeal to begin with. Now, the night before, we had a decent conversation. We talked about how my trip went, funny things that occurred on both our ends, and also about when my flight arrived in JFK, and when she should pick me up. I was set to arrive around 11:30pm on a Friday night, so I figured that midnight would be a reasonable time. So, as my plane landed, I turned on my cell phone, and made the courtesy call to say that I had landed… right to voice mail. Hmmm, these things happen, so I just leave a message and proceed as normal, as she must be on her way. So after gathering my bags, I made another call to her, and again… right to voice mail. Again, I have faith in her, so I make my way to the concourse to wait. Fast forward an hour, and 3 more phone calls, and now I just want to get home. Now it’s time to get on the cab line. Yes, there is still a decent line for cabs at 1:30am. 2 final calls, and 1 final message. I hop in the cab, and start the final leg of my trip home.
I arrive at the apartment, and I see my car parked not too far from the front of the building. I’ve been frustrated in waiting, but mostly worried that something might have happened to her, so I was spinning the wheels in my head as to what issues I would have to deal with when I finally get in the door. Well, when I get inside, I find her and 3 friends joking with each other at the table. It’s close to 3am, and apparently they have just gotten in from a night of dancing. The look of surprise on her face, followed by the, “Hey, what are you doing home?...” combination, is way too much for anyone to take calmly. I “politely” asked her friends to leave and then, I feel the need to hear her “explanation”. Let’s run this down… :
1) “I thought you where arriving at noon?”
2) “Time passed and I wasn’t aware that it was so late”
3) “I thought you were always going to take a cab”
4) “I had this night planned all week”
5) “My friend was upset and she needed me”
and my favorite…
6) “I didn’t think you would mind”
So, considering that we had talked the night before about my return, and that I had given her the car for a few days, I can’t accept any of her excuses. As the different excuses started to spiral one after the other, it became evident that the problems we had in our relationship, none being greater than selfishness, were irreconcilable. All that you do for someone, means nothing in the end. Needless to say, we didn’t last much longer.
Once again, fast forward a bit in time and I find out that she had since been in one abusive relationship, and in another where the guy had her co-sign for a car that was eventually repo’d. So, the moral of the story is to stop the flaking, or you will lose the greatest thing to ever happen to you… Me. Well probably not, but flaking does suck, and it does spawn repercussions that suck as well, so don’t do it…so much.
Sorry for the verbose comment…
#1. I don't understand how people can be perpetually late. And by late, I mean really really late. What the HELL could you possibly be doing that looking at a clock was just too much work? Fine.
ReplyDelete#2. I think my favorite kind of "Random Change of Attitude" is a sub-breed. Perhaps a category of its own. But I love the person who always seems to come down with an illness the day of said event. Oh, really? Because you've been fine and been "looking forward" to whatever is happening for days... and now you have a cold? Or the worst cramps of your life? Or you've come down with Ebola and only have a few hours to live? Gotcha, it's cool, I'll send some Chicken Noodle your way and never make plans with you again.
#3. I think I need more clarification on this, as I think this is something we all do. However, I will say it's acceptable ONLY when you have legitimate plans ahead of time i.e. reservations, tickets to something, family commitment (wait, that may be different...). Or maybe you haven't seen the person is ages (I've personally had friends get mad at me for picking to see a boyfriend I hadn't seen in almost two months over them, I thought that was lame of them). Other than that, just having plans to "hang out" is not an excuse and don't use it as an excuse. You don't want to go out? Say it. Don't use the significant other as a reason.
Unfortunately, you have had a lot of flakes in your life, starting with high school and moving right on to college. Now, your flaky "so-called" friends can only be considered in the "I'm involved with a person of the opposite sex so you don't matter" phase. There life(ves) are infinitely more important than yours since they have "someone." I say dump the flakes. One caveat, they get one chance after first round of flakiness, after round two, you are out of there. My 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteMy car has yellow turn signals...
ReplyDelete