Slayer Meets True Religion

Imagine you're 25 years old and you are about to go out on your first blind date. Sure, people can say that that's pathetic...that you don't need to be blind dating...that you really need to find out more information about this guy before you decide to spend some time with him...but what's the big deal? This recent experience is proof that you should always have some level of criteria when venturing out into the blind dating world.

My mom's friend tells me that she couldn't help but think of me when her friend said that her brother was interested in meeting someone. He's 30 years old (sounds great), very cute, has a very interesting job and is a really nice guy. What could be so bad about that? Well... like any normal 25 year old.. I immediately go onto Facebook to see if he is there. So we're friends in no time (which is just one of several things that are creepy about Facebook but I would be lying if I said I didn't love the fact that I finally joined) and he is messaging me about the date.

*First sign that something is not right: He misspelled everything in his message. There was no punctuation whatsoever. So I'm trying not to be judgemental...but seriously? Anyway- I've already committed, so I'm in. So he suggests dinner and a movie. Me...not knowing anything about blind dating, agrees and so we're on for dinner and a movie. Thankfully, my co-workers are really great people and they tell me that I'm investing way too much time in this blind date. They say- what happens if everything goes really badly? So I decide on the day of the date to text him and say that we're just gonna do dinner. I'm 'tired' after a long day at work. Whatever, after the misspellings, his suggestion to go to a movie at 7 (when would we eat?!?!) and the fact that I got an email from my mom saying that her friend says this guy is 'rough around the edges'...I'm thinking that dinner was probably too much time all by itself.

So it's time for the date. I pull up to the restaurant and I see someone standing right outside the door. That must be him...and at first glance I'm like...yeah not so much. But I've already committed to the date so I'm in. I get to the door and I'm like...hello...it's very nice to meet you. And before I know it, I'm staring David Diehl, the offensive lineman for the New York Giants in the face. This guy is his clone. Moving on...

We sit down, he takes off his jacket and he's wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and sneakers. Meanwhile, I probably have on the two most expensive things I own (I'm not referring to these jeans as the show stoppas- please say it just like that too). I cannot even confirm if he had showered. He starts talking and he sounds like Tony Soprano...hence the 'rough around the edges comment.' Things are off to an incredible start.

We get to talking and he says that he is from the area, but has been working in Louisiana for about a year and a half as a professional diver- diver as in when a bridge is being built, he is under the water-type stuff. So I say to myself- this is great! We'll have something to talk about. I LOVE New Orleans! My best friend in the whole world is from New Orleans...we'll have something to say. Well.. he did not seem to like it as much as I did. He was dropping racial bombs like you wouldn't believe. I will not even begin to repeat them, but they were words you do not use on a blind date...or ever! So no more Louisiana talk.

I decide to keep the conversation going so I ask him if he went to school in the area. (Insert Tony Soprano voice) "Oh...well....I'm not a college boy or anything...!" I say- well did you go to high school around here? And he says, "Well, who really likes high school anyway? I was just a punk...aaaahhhh." (Insert Erin's brain: I was voted most school spirit my senior year in high school. Clearly, I LOVED HIGH SCHOOL!) He proceeds to tell me that he went to alternative school. I'm like- well what is that? Yeah that's where they send annoying kids who teachers cannot tolerate in high school...i.e. Juvi. And that was where that conversation ended.

He tells me that the reason he is in the area is because he has had jury duty all week. I look down at his hand and notice that something is written on it. I'm thinking to myself- Ok...best case scenario, he was bored in jury duty and wrote on his hand (again...keep in mind.. HE IS 30!!!) I ask him, "When did you do that to your hand?" And he says, "Oh...ah ah ah.. I was just a dumb 16 year old!" Now I know it's a tatoo and it reads: P-U-N-K across his knuckles. Yes.. I didn't studder. Definitely my dream man.

And now for the kicker....I just keep asking questions so as to not appear nearly as disgusted as I was at this point. I ask him- "So..it sounds like you work in a very male-dominated field...are there any women?" He says, "Well there are a couple of women. In fact, there was this one woman on the deck who got along with me really well because she liked SLAYER!!!!! (insert the most pathetic, 80's face, meets psycho, meets 'I really don't know what I'm doing on a blind date') He proceeded to do this 3 more times...and yes I was laughing.

And there you have it. My first experience with blind dating and it was probably one of the worst blind dates of all time. I have to say, while it was a bad date, it has made for one of the best stories of all time...and the reason for starting this blog.

I have felt the need to document, not just blind dating stories...because let's face it...they can't all be that bad...at least I hope not. And who wants to hear about me all the time anyway? My life isn't nearly as interesting as some of my friend's...who will be receiving fake names any day now.

So I hope you enjoy and read on...and often. I'll make this as entertaining as I possibly can...as soon as I figure this whole blogging thing out.

Til next time...