Lack of Inspiration

After beginning a blog about an entirely different topic - I've decided to delete it and write about something else. It seems that lately I have had quite a bit of trouble coming up with topics to write about. I'm attributing this to a sudden lack of inspiration - either that or I've lost all concepts of original thought and/or haven't left myself enough free time to actually sit down at my computer as I am right now and have a nice little conversation with all of you. Either way - I am attempting to get back on track with this and hope that you will all inspire me to continue writing about everything and anything.

So let's see...why haven't I had anything to write about lately? If I am to be completely honest with all of you - it's because I haven't been in the mood to give myself any time to think at all. That sounds completely silly but I suppose I've taken a bit of a step back in the emotional okay-ness category and have chosen to fill my time with friends and hanging out - and I'd like to say working out but my stupid blackberry hasn't worked all week so I haven't had an alarm to wake me up in the morning - and this has disabled me from filling your inboxes with the comedic relief you have grown to love about this blog (I hope). And while I'd love to be funny right now - I'm just not in a funny mood.

Quick side note though - driving a 15 passenger van on Friday night to take myself and my friends to a wedding was quite possibly one of the funniest and best decisions I have ever made. Rolling up to a wedding and getting out of what can only be described as an airport van all decked out was priceless.

But yeah - so I'm sure everyone goes through what I am currently going through - however - it's difficult for me to have 'off' moments because I'm always the crazy, bubbly personality that people have become accustomed to. This makes it hard to ever have an off day - everyone is asking you - what's wrong, what can I do to help, why are you not smiling and making me laugh? And while I certainly love making people's days - there are days when I just want to be quiet - believe it or not - and it's becoming apparent that with my personality - it's not the easiest thing to do.

So over the past couple of weeks I have just been overthinking the obvious - probably because I didn't give myself any time at all to really recover after the bullet to the face and it has caused me to randomly experience every type of mood that I try to avoid on a daily basis - anger, sadness, grief, embarrassment, bitterness and maybe even melancholy - if I ever used that word - which I don't.

I guess the ultimate question here is - how are you truly supposed to deal with something that will never make sense to you and no one will ever have an explanation for? Including the person who did it? How can you be expected to move on when the sheer thought of moving on is almost void in your mind? It's as if dating in and of itself is so awful to think about - coupled with the fact that I'm constantly being told that I'm incredibly intimidating which is why no one approaches me when I'm out in public. Seems like a lose/lose situation right now, doesn't it?

Well believe me - I am light years away from actually being down about the whole relationship bit - BUT - and that's a huge BUT - I am having a hard time 'getting back on the horse' as some corny folks would say. Truth be told - I will get back on...just not sure when that will be.

But here's to the start of what I hope will be some inspirational blog posts....and maybe some awkward stories along the way.