One of my fellow co-workers (if I can call him that) brought up what I hope will be an interesting blog topic for the evening and something that I hope you can all comment on. This particular topic may be difficult for a lot of people to react to - simply because we are all constantly being put into awkward situations where we will do our very best to avoid actually telling each other the truth - HOWEVER - if we have figured me out at this point we know that I am always in favor of being honest. And I'll just go ahead and say why - because if anyone knows me (I guess if they don't, this is a moot point) they know that I would never intentionally hurt someone's feelings - ever. It's just that simple. If something I say happens to be taken a certain way and a person's feelings are hurt - then I would be truly sorry. We all know that the truth hurts sometimes - but to that I say that as long as the end result is the bettering of a person - I am all for it. If it's truly a friend (or whoever) - he or she will get over it.
And now onto the topic after that rambling that just happened. Sorry about that. So today - at work - I was just in yet another meeting for the day and this was a lot more casual than other meetings - and with this 'pseudo co-worker' when I proceeded to tell him that I thought he came across as arrogant. I wasn't trying to be rude - simply expressing to him the vibe that he gives off. And to that he says - 'Has anyone ever told you how you come off to other people?' I said no. After a moment of silence in the name of awkwardness I guess - I asked him - 'Well are you going to tell me?' And he said no.
Which brings me to the point..finally. How on earth can we be expected to fix the never-ending flaws in our personalities, character...however you want to put it.. if no one is telling us what's wrong with us... or how we are coming across to people in what I can only assume is in a negative way. I'm assuming this is contributing to the reason why so many people do not like and/or get along with so many other people for years on end... and yet they continue to be 'friends.' It all makes no sense to me.
I believe - and call me crazy - that there is a way to very diplomatically tell someone about his/her personality flaws. And this would not involve any tears, therapy or removal of friendships on Facebook. I understand that this all depends on the person in question - but if people are genuinely interested in being good people (which I know is a separate topic all together) then they will take this criticism for what it is - constructive criticism - and turn it into a positive. I see no reason to do anything else with it.
Thank you and that concludes my 'I'm living in an idealistic world' speech for the evening. I hope you all have a pleasant event. Goodnight.
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OK my view is that in the case of what you said to your "co-worker," doing it in front of other people can be considered rude. If a person comes across as arrogant, tell them in private. Perhaps this is why that person did not want to tell you what you come across as in front of other people. While I agree that I would much rather hear from friends and acquaintances as to something I do that bothers them, I don't think I would want my flaw commented upon in front of a group. This way I can think about what they have said, thank them or tell them to STFU, whichever I prefer. Obviously, if they don't see themselves as having any personality disorders, the STFU would come into play. Friends are easier to speak with, casual acquaintances or co-workers a little less so, and family members are always the worst!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments! This was completely in private though - so I'm not sure what the hesitancy was. Hopefully it will go away and all will be revealed :)
ReplyDeleteWhat does STFU mean?
ReplyDeleteOhh! Ok.
ReplyDeleteI think your arrogant co-worker had nothing to say bad about you (cause let's face you are close to perfect), he was just playing mind games. Which kind of worked and led to a good blog. Anyways I wish we lived in Erin's idealistic world but at least we can read about it.
ReplyDeleteTruthfully,
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