Due to recent occurrences and/or me just noticing more about myself lately, I am feeling the need to address a topic that I'm sure the majority of people struggle with on a regular basis: honesty. The fact that this is something that people struggle with is a topic in and of itself...but for another time.
I'm sure this is more geared toward the ladies...being that we are more inclined to take offense or at the very least..express/feel emotions after someone says something to us that we may or may not agree with...but that is besides the point. That is more relatable to friendly relations anyhow...hanging out in small groups, shopping trips, slumber parties...whatever it is that people are doing nowadays that involves discussion and opinion of some sort. There is always the small chance of that one hint of honesty ruining the evening. But why? Why is it that everyone is so afraid of the truth?
You know what? I can't even say that I don't struggle with this on a regular basis. Anyone who knows me...or will after I say this...knows that I don't like diamonds. Never have. Never will. Well guess what that means? Every time one of my very good friends shows me her engagement ring, I'm not going to tell her that I don't like it because I don't like diamonds. That's very rude and I would never do that. Instead, I find happiness in the simple fact that she is getting married and her excitement excites me and that's what I love about the ring. I rarely love the ring (sorry ladies...I truly mean no offense when I say that).
But now bring this to the workplace. I can NEVER EVER EVER say what I really want to say at work to people who I think need to be put in their place...because I would be fired. But seriously...what the hell is wrong with some people? I swear some people wake up in the morning and say to themselves...how can I make 'insert the name of the person they like the least at their office''s day awful? You wanna hear a story? I once stopped on my way to work and bought bagels for my office. No big deal. I love that type of thing. I figure this is my way of helping people who may not be morning people...start their days off right. Super. So I get to work, send out an email saying that there are bagels in the kitchen and then I head upstairs to set everything up. As soon as I get up there (now keep in mind...this is well before 9AM) this woman walks into the kitchen. She says to me, "Erin..did anyone ever tell you that you're the nicest person ever?" I obviously just look up at her and say...thank you. Immediately following this very nice, and unnecessary compliment...the same woman proceeds to say (still before 9AM), "Now Erin...I have to tell you something. I hate to be a pain...but YOUR VOICE is SO LOUD. It carries ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALLWAY. You REALLY need to keep it down."
Talk about honesty. My goodness. Here I just brought this lady breakfast and that's what I get? Of course...I do not have it in me to say something like, "You know what...my voice may be loud but at least whatever it is that's coming out of my mouth is positive in some way. You...on the other hand...may in fact be the most condescending person I have ever met. Try to keep your thoughts to yourself...unless you are capable of saying something nice. Thanks." See...I never said that...and I will always wish I did.
Whether you are in the work place or out with friends, you should always, always, always say how you really feel. Regardless of if it is something he/she actually wants to hear, if they are any type of friend or colleague, they will benefit from knowing the truth. Just to make myself COMPLETELY clear..this point only holds true if what you are being honest about is truly genuine. Otherwise, it is a moot point.
So let's hear it. How often are you honest with your friends? And when you're not...why weren't you?
Think about it and tell me tomorrow...Please.
Goodnight.
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Honesty in the workplace? Are you serious? Unless you own the company, who is going to tell people exactly what they think. You would be fired. I am honest in the workplace in response to simple questions, who left the copy machine empty (me, sorry). How does my tie look, does this dress make me look fat (well since it's two sizes too small, what do you think - is that the correct response?) No, I LIE LIE LIE! Why hurt someones feelings? I would rather keep the peace. Now, at home or with friends, I may be 98% honest. Does the dress look good on me (maybe you need a different color I would say). Do you think I drink to much? Well since you are slurring the words, what do you think - but of course I would just keep quiet because why would I want to really insult some (even though in the case of the drinking relative, I probably could do it if that question were asked but would never have the cojones to bring it up on my own) - haha. So my advice is to tell the "little white lie" - I'd rather not get involved in an argument because the rude, nasty, unpleasant, unattractive b/c of what they are wearing person may get really mad. I also want to hear what Saul thinks.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I do know the woman Erin is talking about in the bagel situation. Her names rhymes with……ummm……Smeslie. This same woman complained about a joke email that a friend sent from my computer. I did not send the email but, in any case, it was clearly a joke. Even if you didn’t appreciate it, the average person would just write it off and delete it. But this woman ran to HR and now I have a marked file. (I have an HR file! ME!! Sweet little Saul!!)
ReplyDeleteBut, I do have to agree with Blogoholic here. Telling the truth all the time in the workplace will only get you into trouble. Few people can bear to hear it. And certain people in our office are extremely petty and will take offense and will surely find a way to sabotage you later. Instead, you should grin and bear the awfulness and then talk about these people behind their backs with trusted friends. That’s the American way.
When it comes to non-work situations, you can be more truthful with people, because there is generally no real harm to your well-being in doing so. However, tact and tastefulness still apply. Why hurt someone’s feelings for no reason? What’s the point? Also, I feel that when someone points out someone else’s ‘problems’, they are really just revealing their own insecurities. (Maybe you hate someone else’s clothes because they don’t care about the trends and they have a sense of adventure in style that you wish you had.)
In any event, I work with Erin and she clearly has no problem telling me exactly what she thinks of me, so I’m a little confused as to what we’re really talking about here…
Saul - I agree. Erin always tells the truth b/c she can't keep a straight face when she lies (her WHOLE LIFE!) I have suffered from TMI for many years because of this (actually suffered is a harsh word and I love knowing EVERYTHING - doesn't every Mom?)
ReplyDeleteI loved the Smeslie line and think the two of us are correct. Keep your honesty to yourself in the workplace and go to town outside of it. In your case, you must fit into both categories. Good for you.
Saul - my whole point in saying that I do believe that honesty is the best policy is IF it's done the right way. If I am ever honest with you in a hurtful way, I apologize. But it's probably because you're so sensitive and sometimes struggle to understand my humor. HAHA. Anyway, I love the comments. Keep them coming!
ReplyDelete